June 16, 2012

Daddies are important to daughters

Big Cheese has been less than gracious with me lately, which is not a surprise. This is why I decided not to continue the relationship while Thing Two was a mere 4 weeks old. A few months back Big Cheese was upset with me and it manifested itself in front of the children and in public. It upset me and I did all I could to not cry, to hold my head high and not let his words dig at who I am.  I broke once I got home and while I tried not to have the children witness this moment, Thing Two heard me. She crawled into my bed and asked " Does Daddy not love you? He's grumpy. Don' t cry". My heart broke even further.  What was she learning from him?

I have been without my Daddy for 29 years. I have been without him longer than he was with me. I am filled with gratitude of all he taught me in the small amount of time. Especially those moments he taught me as I observed how he conducted his life.  He was always kind to Mami even when she was less than gracious in the heat of an arguement. He never disrespected her and was always a gentleman. He opened doors, paid bills, took Mami on "breakfast dates" while I was at school. The moments my Daddy thought I wasn't watching, I was.  One particular memory I have is of him leaning over and kissing Mami on the forehead as he held her hand.

It's distinct memory and he taught me how a woman should be treated. How I should be treated. How relationships, no matter what, are always about love and respect. This lesson that did not escape his lips but was manifested in actions, was what gave me the strength to walk away that moment with Big Cheese. It's what made me realize that I was not being treated right in a relationship and that two small eyes were watching.

Fathers are important, especially to their daughters. They are the first male relationship they have. The one that teaches them how to be treated as a woman. So I implore you Fathers out there with daughters, she is watching you and basing what you do to her future relationships. Be kind. Be respectful. Be loving when it gets hard. She' s watching you for clues into her future relationships.

I hope that Big Cheese can see while he doesn't need to love me, he does need to strive to be respectful for both of the Things.

John Mayer gave insight on how relationships are a part of these relationships in the song Daughter. Listen here

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