June 16, 2012

Daddies are important to daughters

Big Cheese has been less than gracious with me lately, which is not a surprise. This is why I decided not to continue the relationship while Thing Two was a mere 4 weeks old. A few months back Big Cheese was upset with me and it manifested itself in front of the children and in public. It upset me and I did all I could to not cry, to hold my head high and not let his words dig at who I am.  I broke once I got home and while I tried not to have the children witness this moment, Thing Two heard me. She crawled into my bed and asked " Does Daddy not love you? He's grumpy. Don' t cry". My heart broke even further.  What was she learning from him?

I have been without my Daddy for 29 years. I have been without him longer than he was with me. I am filled with gratitude of all he taught me in the small amount of time. Especially those moments he taught me as I observed how he conducted his life.  He was always kind to Mami even when she was less than gracious in the heat of an arguement. He never disrespected her and was always a gentleman. He opened doors, paid bills, took Mami on "breakfast dates" while I was at school. The moments my Daddy thought I wasn't watching, I was.  One particular memory I have is of him leaning over and kissing Mami on the forehead as he held her hand.

It's distinct memory and he taught me how a woman should be treated. How I should be treated. How relationships, no matter what, are always about love and respect. This lesson that did not escape his lips but was manifested in actions, was what gave me the strength to walk away that moment with Big Cheese. It's what made me realize that I was not being treated right in a relationship and that two small eyes were watching.

Fathers are important, especially to their daughters. They are the first male relationship they have. The one that teaches them how to be treated as a woman. So I implore you Fathers out there with daughters, she is watching you and basing what you do to her future relationships. Be kind. Be respectful. Be loving when it gets hard. She' s watching you for clues into her future relationships.

I hope that Big Cheese can see while he doesn't need to love me, he does need to strive to be respectful for both of the Things.

John Mayer gave insight on how relationships are a part of these relationships in the song Daughter. Listen here

June 3, 2012

How a split second turned into terror.

As parents we all have that internal fear that is played out one too many times on the news. That one moment in which a child is gone. Maybe for a minute, a few moments or forever. You let your child go to the bus stop, or you watch in horror how crossing the road some stranger grabs your child.

I had hoped that I would never encounter such a thing with my babies. Unfortunately it happened.

I had taken Thing One and Two to see Sesame Street Live today. Big crowds are never my favorite, bit one can not live in fear. I took Mali with us to enjoy the show. All was well until the end of the show when I had to pick up  Mami's walker at guest services. I had told Mami to stay with the children while I went upstairs to get the walker.
I went up the stairs and waited to get her walker. Took the elevator down and chatted with the elevator attendant on how nice the show was. The doors opened and Mali was standing there asking where the kids were.
Apparently she thought that I had known that the kids were right behind me as I went up the stairs. It had been 10 minutes since I had left. My heart and guts were sick twisted as I looked back on the huge crowd behind me. I must have screamed that very moment, because all of a sudden everyone was looking at me. My babies were lost in a crowd of hundreds. I ran up stairs looking for them in every chiild's face and I could see all the adults feeling my pain and panic.

Security was helping as I ran to find them. Thing two was at guest services. She was calm and collected. The next thought was Where is my boy! My sweet sweet boy. I could hear the security guards asking for a description of him or a picture of him. I couldn't get words out as I shook with panic and fear. Until a man came out of nowhere ans said
"Your daughter is watching you let's breathe and he will be found"

I had to catch my breath and describe what he was wearing, hair and eye color, name. All the things that were crucial at that very moment. Then I heard theo best sound in the world. The cries of Thing One asking for his Mommy. They had found him in the play area of the event crying. I was on my knees crying holding my precious babies, thanking God and the kids guardian Angels that they were returned safely to me.

I haven't let them go yet. They are lying next to me as I type this.

I was lucky and I pray this never happens again. EVER.

Have you ever experienced something scary with your children? How did you react?

I can tell you, this moment was not how I expected Iwould react.

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