February 21, 2012

Post-it Note Tuesday: The Silence

Can I get to Big KIMO now??!!!
Tomorrow's Wordless Wednesday - don't miss it!

Inspired and brought to you by:

Only Parent Chronicles


February 16, 2012

Out of darkness thanks to a Diva: Mama Kat's world famous writer's workshop

This weeks prompt that I choose to write about hit home to me from Mama Kat's workshop.  I had been thinking about writing about this when the prompts came to me on Monday morning. Share a Whitney Houston song that meant something to you.
(inspired by
Mama Mary). 

Saturday I was knee deep in throw up from Thing Two having the stomach flu.  It was Big Cheese's weekend with the children but Thing Two was not going anywhere.  She wanted to stay home with me, which was fine with me.  As I was throwing in yet another load of laundry that had the wretched smell of vomit I heard the phone go off.  I thought it might be Big Cheese checking in on Thing One's status.  I looked at the text, it was him. "OMG! Whitney Houston is dead turn on MSN right now!".  I spun so fast to grab the remote and of course to Twitter and Facebook.  I kept telling myself it wasn't true, it wasn't true!   I watched and felt confusion and shock.  I grew up listening to this lady and she was their at the most important time in my life when I thought I would never get out of the darkness I was in. 

Summer 2001 was one of the roughest times of my life.  I had been married for seven years with ups and downs in them, but it was officially over.  My then husband had moved out, I was alone.  We were not able to conceive any children and that was one of many of our problems that were exacerbated during this time.  I found myself questioning everything in the relationship.  Was it me? Was it him?  Could this anger be about other things.  I fluctuated from sadness to anger and back again.  Mostly I was sad, and clinically depressed. My doctor even put me on medication to help take the edge off of all the crazy feelings I had inside.  While it curbed it somewhat I really just needed to go through the steps of grieving.  Grieving the loss of hopes and dreams I had felt had died with the marriage. Mostly the hope of having children.  I was now single at 30 and quickly approaching 31. 

I had just purchased the Whitney Houston Greatest Hits album.  I loved that the two-disk album was labeled "Cool" and the other "Hot".  I played the "Cool" disk over and over and over.  Obsessive to hear about love and the pain involved along with it.  Her voice expressing every lost feeling I had.  I cried often and it was cleansing.  One day I decided to put on the "Hot" disk.  It had a lot of faster dance tunes of hers.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that the one song that helped me think of where I was going was found on this "Hot" disk. 

I heard every word, the lyrics hit me and made me smile. Whitney's voice encouraging and exciting. The song was not one of her more popular songs that everyone knew and until that moment I really had never paid attention to it.  The song was "Step by Step", a remix actually.  Very upbeat with a great dance groove. 

The next day instead of crying at home I hit the gym equipped with the lyrics of the song running through my earphones and my thoughts.  Making me think, "YES YOU CAN DO THIS, STEP BY STEP".  I worked out , I felt the energy and hope go through me.  This was not the end of my story, not the end of my journey.  Life will go on and it will not be without stumbling along the way.  I did have the choice to put one foot in front of the other and take it "Step by Step". 

Things did change for me.  I took on a new challenge in my work, I found joy in friends and family, I even went on to have two beautifully wonderful children.  One song who's lyrics touched me and one singer who made me truly feel each of those lyrics. 

So yes, I cried when I heard.  I fear that she could not find the same happiness and hope that were in those positive lyrics she sang, the ones that lifted me.  She had demons that were often spread through tabloids. You cheered and hoped that these were not true and that eventually she would find her way.  In the end only she and God know what exactly went on in her last hours and how she felt. 

I can say this:  Thank you Whitney for giving me that song and singing it with all your heart and soul, it saved me from staying where I was.

What was your favorite Whitney song and why?

As always Thursdays posts brought to you with a little help from:

Mama’s Losin’ It

February 14, 2012

An only child experiencing Sibling Rivalry

Oh sure they look sweet up there ^ , all sugar and spice and everything is nice. That reality is farther from the truth.  This was a brief and eluding moment in Thing One and Thing Two's everyday existence.  For the most part it is what I experienced the other morning with them as I was trying to get them out the door.

Thing Two *sitting on the toilet* :  Mommy I on the potty, ok.
Thing One *standing over sink brushing his teeth*: DON'T SAY POTTY!
Thing Two *singing voice*: POTTY! POTTY! POTTY!
Thing One *annoyed and yelling*: NO STOP! STOP SAYING POTTY! MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMY!

Me *Sigh*: Both of you stop.  Thing Two finish going potty and stop saying potty.  Thing One doesn't want to hear it.  Thing One, just ignore your sister and finish brushing your teeth.

Now I am certain this is normal for those of you who have had siblings growing up.  The fight over who is mom's favorite, the one that gets the attention.  It's a constant battle of what is yours and what is mine.  Trying to fit in, where you can get in.  That was not my experience.  I was an only child for the most part.  My parents had me and I had a slew of half siblings that were far older than I.  As a matter of fact I had nieces and nephews either older or a few years younger than I.  I was what people refer to as a lonely only.  I often longed for siblings close to my age to play with.  Often I would watch families with children close in age with envy.  For the most part I play referee trying to understand how a simple thing like a look or word can send them over the edge.

I guess it is safe to say that I am learning along with my children what the sibling experience is all about.  Who would have known it was going to be this hard to just have them get along.  Sure they get along like the picture above but and that is what gives me hope.  When one is without the other they ask where they are and if they are ok, and how much they miss their sibling.  It gives me hope that someday down the line the fights will be few and the love will be plenty.

Is there something that you never experienced growing up that you have had to learn now as a parent?

This is NORMAL.

February 9, 2012

If you give a Mom a kids birthday party to plan: Mama Kat's world famous writer's workshop

This week I chose the writing prompt inspired by the children's story "If you give a mouse a cookie"  In this wonderful book, everything and anything goes, taking the mouse far from the original plan and then bringing you back.  Here is my version of this story...

If you give a mom a kids birthday party to plan…

She’s going to want to go on Pinterest and get some ideas for the perfectly themed party.

While on Pinterest she’s going to notice that her friend has a new board labeled “easy organic recipes”
She’s going to want to make some for the birthday party so she gets the recipes to try making it.

While looking over the recipe she’s going to notice that she doesn’t have all the ingredients and then heads out to Trader Joe’s to get the ingredients.

As she heads down the aisle with children in tow, she thinks “Why did I bring them???!!”  Thing Two heads in one direction with a shopping cart almost knocking out an elderly grandma and Thing One following closely behind is screaming…Wait for me! Wait for me!

As she is chasing them down the aisles to stop them she suddenly runs into her favorite section at Trader Joe’s . The “adult beverages”  She stops and notices a bottle with a happy face on it.  Surely this bottle should bring some happiness compared to this hot pickle she’s in now. 

She adds this to her shopping cart, pays and goes home.  Kids are napping  as she takes out all that she purchased and realizes that she got nothing for that said organic recipe.  The only thing visible is that happy face bottle of wine. Time to open that puppy up!
As she is pouring the wine into the HUGE goblet she remembers when life was simple and full of wine and dinner parties, and adult conversations.  She will remember that she still has a kids birthday party to plan.
Chance are if you give a mom a birthday party to plan she will be on Pinterest  midnight. YET AGAIN. *sigh*

Based on a true story:

I opted for these and didn't go with "homemade organic"

The cute outfit I found on Etsy via Pinterest.
The wine inspired me to RELAX and ENJOY.
If you are interested in knowing more about the book "If you give a mouse a cookie" I highly recommend it.  There is a series of books from the same author and Thing One and Thing Two simply enjoy them.

As always today's fabulous blog was brought to you by:

Mama’s Losin’ It

February 2, 2012

The cheerleader: Mama Kat's world famous writer's workshop

So because lately I've slacked...and by slacked I mean just brain farted when it comes to my writing in the blog I decided to take on Mama Kat's Pretty World Famous Writer's workshop challenge.  She is great at throwing out some ideas to get the juices flowing.  This weeks workshop:  Who were you in High School? Read on...

High School.  That was some 20 odd years ago, but who's counting right?  I was the peppy, high spirited girl with the smile always.  I wasn't particularly mean to anyone.  You can ask any of my million facebook friends from High School and they might say the same thing.  I may have even gotten the reputation of party girl at one point.  I have no idea how that got around.  In all sense I was figuratively the typical teenager. 

Except for one thing, everyone perceived me as just the peppy, happy girl.  They had no idea that I struggled for a very long time with my appearance.  I wanted to be that stick straight girl that all the other girls were. Self conscious does not even begin to explain how I looked at myself.  These days that would be could called body morphic disorder.  Fat, plump, thunder thighs, and boobs.  This is what I saw staring at me in the mirror.  Do you see the picture above? That's me, fat. Yes F-A-T.  What I would give to be that fat again.  I really hated my body.  It seems ridiculous now that I look at this picture.  Yes, my body was different than everyone else in school.  My body was that of a typical Latina.  Hips, legs and a chest.  Heredity was the owner of that body. 

I was the typical teenager alright.  Wanting to fit in anywhere, not comfortable in my own skin.  Awkward feeling inside and out.  Did I mention that in high school I suppressed a lot of what my brain could accomplish?  I wasn't a genius by no means.  I was however fairly intelligent.  I limited the things I could do so as not to appear as geeky as I truly was.  I have always been and will always be a geek at heart. 

I wish this song would have come out while I was in high school:

I would have more confidence in knowing that there was more than just being pretty or peppy or well liked by everyone.

So what has changed?  I don't give a rats ass what people think of me or how they perceive me anymore.  It's been a long road, but I've learned that people will see you the way they want to see you.  You however know deep down inside who you are. I wish my mom could have explained that to me as a teenager.  I think that's why it's my mission to tell my kids that you will feel left out of certain crowds in high school and that you will second yourself many many times.  The only thing they need to know is to trust their heart and know that whoever they are...they will always be amazing to the important people in their lives.  Themselves.

Who were you in High School?  Would you let your child be the same way in High School? 

Mama’s Losin’ It
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