January 9, 2012

I have that type of fever *SIGH*

I am starting to miss it.  I cannot believe I am say this.  I miss having a baby!
Thing One at 6 Months old
Thing Two at 6 months old
Thing One has been a full fledged preschooler for some time now.  I have to say, that I was so busy getting ready for Thing Two’s arrival that I barely had enough time to enjoy Thing One being a baby and toddler.  Not to mention Mami’s cancer and the break-up of my relationship to their dad. 
Then there was Thing Two.  I enjoyed her thoroughly as a baby.  She slept with me often.  I know your not suppose to, but she was the type of baby that screamed until she was cuddled.  I was super careful!  She stayed in a crib longer than Thing Two. She held on to her pacifier longer. She took longer to sleep through the night. She took longer to take the first steps.  She also managed to take an extremely longer time to potty train.  She has officially become a young child versus a baby.  It made me wonder if I could have possibly wished that she take a little longer to keep her as my baby.  I knew when I had her at the ripe old age of 38 that she would be my last child.  That and the fact that when she was born Big Cheese and I were on already split up.  I just didn’t realize she would be my last “baby”.
You  know baby, as in sweet smelling head, babbling, drooling, snuggling in the little nook of your neck baby.   The same baby that you rock in a glider for hours and lose track of time and are ever so grateful that you did.    The one baby that has a million milestones hit the first year of life.  First smile, rolling over, standing, walking, words, etcetera. 
So here I sit and I think of it and realize I won’t have a baby of my own to watch over and guide.  It’s a whole different set of goals now.  I started to feel a twinge of it when I finally potty trained Thing Two.  Diaper free at last!  Wait… OH MY! No more babies. Sad face, tear.  No more babies!  Oh sure I will have plenty of other babies to hold and play with later by family members, but it’s not the same.  Nothing quite compares to the endless hours of agony, joy, and fear that you feel when you are holding your baby for the first time.  
Thing Two will officially reach age 3 in a few days. *GULP*  *SIGH*  My babies are gone and the two preschool aged children have moved into my house.  Sure, they still depend on me for a lot of things, but they have become independent children, with thoughts and words, an quirky expressions of their own. Still, I feel a twinge when I think…no more, not mine. 
Baby fever sucks.  I know I am ready for the next phase, but still there is that little bit of me that holds on and would like to be up at odd hours of the night, just baby and me. 
Wait…let me look back on my blog… Sleep deprivation, mind blowing screaming, being told I’m doing it wrong…NEVERMIND!  I’m good.  I like to sleep, I like someone to talk to, argue with.  I like the fact that my diaper big is now almost non-existent.  I am sure I will go through this one more time, but it’s normal right?

Please tell me it’s normal! J 
Have you experienced baby fever lately?
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