February 8, 2011

Moms date?!?! HOW?

Most Moms I know lead really busy lives. You have kids to shuffle off to day care, school, etc. You have to deal with tantrums, homework, and extracurricular activities that you need to hurry off to. If your married, you need to fit in time with the hubby and sharing of the parenting. Now imagine if you were single and had to do that and DATE??!!! *GULP*

At the ripe age of 40 I never imagined that I would be a single mom. I thought I would be one of those happily adjusted married folks with kids. WRONG! Life happens, you choose a partner unwisely (in my case the culprit was beer and Jack and coke), it happens. I have been a single mom for close to two years now, and I haven't really put any thought into dating. Why? Well that's easy to answer, I'm knee deep into toddlerhood. Before two toddlers I was a hot mess. I had two babies 17 months apart and I could barely get a comb through my hair, let alone TRY to look attractive. My life revolved around a constant diaper change.

My thoughts and energy have been focused on Thing One and Thing Two. So this is going to sound silly, but I have no idea how to date or even put myself out there! I have been out of the game for at least a good 5 years now. First, it takes so much time and energy just to date. Getting to know the other person, the calling, the whole dance, HELLO?! When exactly am I supposed to do that? I barely make it to 9:30 pm on any given weekend and I am already nodding off to bed. Not to mention that every weekend I have is spent with the children since Big Cheese couldn't possibly take them on weekends.

Then there is that part of me that worries. The whole dilemma about when is it right to date? When do the kids get introduced? Do you introduce them at all? Does this person have a criminal record? What if the kids get attached and it doesn't work out? I can handle me being hurt, but the kids?? That last thought just kills me. UGGGG!!! Seriously, I thought I wouldn't have to go through the insanity of dating while raising kids.

So the other night out of curiosity I went on a dating site and chatted with a few gentlemen (I use the term loosely) and I swear I felt drained. Just by the questions What do you look like? Kids? Married? divorced? age? Area you live? It was like the spanish inquisition and I hadn't even gotten a drink out of it to ease the pain!

I don't know how some single moms are able to date, I was exhausted just in the few minutes I put myself out there. Maybe I'm just not ready to handle dating drama alongside toddler tantrums. I get lonely sometimes and I would love to have someone take care of me as a woman while I take care of my children's needs. I just don't think I have the energy level and patience it takes to date at this moment. I'm hoping that some day I will. Single moms, how do you balance a dating life with the life of a mommy? Am I over thinking this or will there come a time when I will figure it all out. Advice please....
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