February 21, 2011

The moment you know...you are not alone

June 2007.  I was holding the phone and almost let it slip out of my hand.  It almost fell out of my hand because my hands were shaking from shock, distress, hurt and just plain astonishment.  On the other side of the line was Big Cheese telling me he would not be able to come to Lamaze with me because he had just signed up for softball and he wasn't going to let his fees for that go to waste on a dumb class.  I was a first time mom, scared out of my mind.  I didn't know what to expect with labor and as always I wanted to be prepared.  Big Cheese just grunted on the other side of the line.  This should have been my first major red flag for things to come.  We hung up and my big pregnant emotional self cried.  I cried because one, I was hormonal and two, I didn't have the support I thought I did in Big Cheese. 

Not going to the class was not an option for me. The class required another person to be there, the person you trusted the most to be there to see you in all your glory and pain.  The person who wouldn't care that I would yell at them to stop breathing on me (yes I did that).My friend  "T" was the only person I knew that had the time to go with me and would be a great confident.  The call was pretty nerve racking to make.  How do I approach this?  I mean come on, it's not everyday that a friend says "Hey could you help me out while I squeeze out a watermelon out of my vajayjay".  The conversation ultimately went like this: 

Me: Big Cheese can't go to Lamaze with me  *SIGH*  *CRY*
T:  When is it?
Me: Wednesdays from 7 - 9 for two weeks
T:  I will go with you.

It was that simple.  I didn't need to ask in any particular way, I didn't have to explain why Big Cheese was being an idiot and putting me on the back burner when I needed him most.  T knew, she knew like any good friend would have known.  She knew I was scared, she knew I was upset, she knew I was hurt.  When you have friends like that you don't need a big explanation the heart just knows.  Just like she knew how much it hurt me when I walked into the room and realized I was the only woman at Lamaze without a male partner there. 

She was there bright and early when the moment came to coach me through my scary moment.  She didn't quite make it through to see Thing One being born. She passed out right at the point I was going to push, Big Cheese took over at that moment and saw me the rest of the way through.  A year later she was there to see Thing Two being born, no passing out this time.  T has been the source of my strength many times when I have no idea if I am doing the right thing by my children.  She sees me through dark moments when all I want to do is be angry and cry from both sadness and frustration.  I can't say enough about the times she has sacrificed her time to take my kids to their Gymboree class when I need a break.  She loves my kids as if they were her own.  No words can ever express the gratitude I feel for her.  She picked up where Big Cheese failed me. 

I may not have the male counterpart in my life to help me through this thing called parenthood but I have T.  Every single parent needs that source of support and I am glad there are people like T around. By the way T, you have 7 more years until Thing One's 10th birthday and your tetanus shot is due.

Who besides your family is a source of support when it comes to raising children and raising you as a mother?
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