February 11, 2011

Flashback Friday - Babies and more

What is Flashback Friday?  Well since parenthood for me started way before this blog.  I blogged a lot in various places like Myspace, Babycenter Community, and Facebook.  For you to better understand where I come from I have decided to bring those blogs back on Fridays.  I want to be able to relate to all of you that may be going through something similar and let you know you are not alone in your feelings. I will apologize ahead of time, this is the raw stuff before I started getting better at expressing myself via blogs.  Enjoy my friends.

November 15, 2005 - This marks the day I started to write my thoughts on babies and having a family in the future.  I had been pretty depressed up until this point. A year earlier I had miscarried a baby.  It was a rough road that no one talks about.  I suffered with a lot of feelings of guilt and grief.  This was the day that made me think ahead to what the future held and be hopeful.  If you are interested in the ribbon below please visit here.
Today was a rather interesting day. I forgot that I was invited to my girlfriends baby shower. I think I forgot intentionally, it's been a long road to this day. I haven't been to a baby shower since I had my miscarriage almost a year ago.

I knew today was going to be a bit strange for me, and I thought I was going to be all crazy with different feelings. I was for like a moment, and then I put it all aside, because after all this was my friends day and not my pity party. Well turns out that when we got to the shower, she wasn't at her home, she had delivered the baby 2 months early! Her and the baby are doing just fine, thank god, but in that moment I felt the need to call up my ex boyfriend and tell him about our friends new baby.

I actually didn't call him up, I just left him a text message. Too chicken I guess to talk to him. Then he text me back, that's good, tell them congratulations. In that very moment I realized something. I was holding on to him and that he would never change his views on the whole, having a family and stuff. He will never be the one man I had hoped he would be. I was over it, and him and I let go at that moment. Amazing what a little clarity will do in a blink of a moment.

My friend "C"  described that as sad. The final realization that it's over. I beg to differ on that I don't think it's sad, I think it's more of learning and opening other doors in your life. I'm content right now, and somewhere out there is a man who would want the same things I want and will want to share the things I want to share. For now I'm not looking, I want him to find me!

So, let me go on with my content self and go out and have a good time with old friends. So I'm off to have dinner with friends. Enjoy your moments of enlightenment my friends, don't fret!
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