December 7, 2010

My plate flowth over...

No, this is not a post about how well my Thanksgiving went and what I ate.  It has everything to do with what made me snap the other night and what has been building up in the internal emotions that is Dooritos.

Every year the community center in my city has a tree lighting ceremony. I wanted the Things to see this.  I like them to participate in the community.  What I didn't expect was the feelings that would overwhelm me when we finally got there.  It started the moment I went to pick them up from the baby sitter and get them and Mami into the car.

As soon as I got home, I made sure Mami was ready to go.  She asked "de que hija?" (For what my daughter).  I was stressed from work and to come home to someone not ready to go frazzled me.  "UFF" I urged her to get ready quickly as I went across the street to get the kids.  Everyone was packed in the car and we got there barely able to squeeze into the building.

Both kids were honary, throwing themselves on the floor with any type of suggestion to stand by me.  Mami looked stressed, I was stressed.  Mami has limited mobility so really the only one that could keep up with these types of moments is me.  I tried to take a few pictures of the Things by the tree before they lit it, and of course the camera battery had died! I had to pull out my blackberry to take pictures and this is what happened:

Liliana "I get tree!"

Please look over here!

Halfway decent shot

Losing it

Right after this and during the singing, both kids layed on the floor and screamed.  I want the tree! I want outside! I want present!  I lost it in the middle of  "Hark the Angels Sing".  My "angels" were not singing, mine were SCREAMING.  In my head I was doing the very same thing.  I picked them up kicking and screaming dragged them out and just gave Mami that look of "WE ARE OUT!!".  The whole time driving home both Things  were screaming "BACK! BACK!" There was no way, they were done, and I was done.

As soon as we got home I put both kids to bed and sat exhausted, drained and with very little energy for much more.  I cried.  I cried because I never planned to do this without someone there with me. Not only for the kids but for me as well.  I have been stressed, spread thinnly in my time, and I was thinking Wonder Woman, but in reality I'm not.  I'm just a single mom with two very busy toddlers and an aging mom, who all ask a lot of my time from me.  So that very moment with all the things that I had piled on my plate something had to give.  The corn gibblets, the gravy, the bun, the whole "shibang" came tumbling down.  I felt very lonely and the tears just poured.  I let it all spill out on my facebook page and the most spectacular thing happened.  Other single mom's could relate and told me I would be ok. I needed that hug, even if it was virtual.  Thank you friends.

After this lovely treat :

Yes, that is a rice crispy treat and a glass of wine! 
I was able to breath and move forward to the next morning.  I kissed my babies and even though I am alone and stressed, I know I'm not the only single mom that goes through this and hey I've known some married mom's who have that slow come apart moment. Have you as a parent had a come apart moment?
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